just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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