Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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