you would pick up someone in the library
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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