I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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