I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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