Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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