I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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