She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Say something about gay babies.
false alarm. still invincible.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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