oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
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you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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