Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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