I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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