Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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