Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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