oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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