Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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