hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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