there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
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The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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