smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
from now on my penis is your penis
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize