i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
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A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
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I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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