Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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