so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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