Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize