I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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