can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
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I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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