he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
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I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
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just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He did a backflip because drugs
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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