Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
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we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
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It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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