she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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