p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize