Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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