please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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