need another drink. this is the easiest way
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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