Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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