I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
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I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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