one two three fourrrrnication!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
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Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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