I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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