he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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