As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize