I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize