dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
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I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
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You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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