"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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