I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
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WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
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Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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