he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize