just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is it penis luge time yet?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We are all done wearing pants today
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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