no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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