I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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