My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize