you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
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Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
And then he peed in my hair
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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