3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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