sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize