I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize