What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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