Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
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there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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